The normal morning routine in hesterland is Teeny has to be at swim practice around 5:30 a.m.  Mr. H passes by swim practice Natatorium on his way to work so he gets the added bonus of getting up at the ungodly hour it requires to take Teeny to practice.  Whoo Hoo! – and right now Magpie stays with Mr. H’s bizarre mother who happens to live in the same city that Mr. H works for.  Basically Mr. H has rather unceremoniously been thrown into fatherhood headfirst – tossed to the wolves so to say.  Taking care of both children, even the one who didn’t spring from his loins, but only because I would’ve gotten arrested for child molestation if I had tried to conceive now 15 yr old son with now 32 yr old husband.

This morning was out of the norm.  Well – not that we are anywhere close to normal – but rather out of the norm for hesterland.  Teeny has his first swim meet of the school year tomorrow so there wasn’t any practice this morning.  This can be translated into another hour of sleep for hesterland, providing Magpie cooperates, and she did.  The darling child has finally been written back into the family will after being cut out of it for cutting 4 molars at once.  Because you know that she totally did that on purpose.

I got up, made coffee, poured 3 cups – dropping first cup off in main bathroom just as Teeny was entering said bathroom to wash his hairy-legs.  To do the 3 S’s – shit, shower & shave – and since he has a swim meet tomorrow yes it was his legs that got shaved.  Headed back to master bathroom with remaining 2 cups to deposit one steaming cup of perfectly brewed coffee into the naked man’s hands that had just stepped out of the shower and was toweling off.  No he didn’t make the mistake of grabbing my towel and yes he dried his butt-hairs. 

 
Teeny was in the bathroom getting into the shower and I had 2 hot cups of coffee in my hands so needless to say I didn’t bother to close the bedroom door when I walked in realizing full well that naked man would be clothed before Teeny got out of the bathroom.  Come on – Teeny is a teenager and he can wash that “thing” as many times as he wants to, after all it is his.

Naked man freaked and covered private parts and pieces when he realized that door to bedroom was standing wide-assed open.

Mr. H:  “Is he up?”

Me:      “Yes and he is in the shower so you don’t have anything to worry about.”

Mr. H:  “Well, I wouldn’t want him to get an inferiority complex about how small he is by seeing his step-dad’s package”

Me:      **laughing hysterically** “Hon – the only thing I see that he could get a complex about is your stomach”  **laughing some more**

Mr. H:  “Oh, so now the truth comes out – apparently you’ve been lying to me for the past 12 years”

Me:      “Haven’t you figured out by now that all women lie to get their way?”

To which he grabbed me and started spanking me for lying.

And it wasn’t even my birthday!