We went to stock up on a thousand rolls of toilet paper and other asundry items sold in bulk from Sam's Club yesterday afternoon.  Both boys went with us because they were finally tired of playing video games. Good thing they went, we ended up with 2 carts - full.  When we got to the checkout line I decided that I was thirsty so I stepped up to the fast food line to get some water, leaving Magpie sitting in one cart with Teeny and Devil guarding her.  Hmmmm, 20 and 15 yr old big brothers make good guard dogs for little Princess Magpie.

The fastfood line was right in front of the checkout line we were in so I was standing about 10 feet in front of Mr. H, my kids and the carts.  Mr. H was arranging the bulk items in the carts as the cashier was ringing them up.  So the cashier rings up one of our gallons of milk, sets it down and turns back to ring something else up.  Except when she swung her arm back with the next bulk item she knocked the gallon of milk off and it went "splat" on the floor.  Man - I never knew that a gallon of milk could explode like that.  The milk spewed everywhere crossing the 10 foot span between me and the checkout counter and I felt some small drops hit my foot.  There was a woman (won't call her a lady) standing in line in front of me and I guess that some of it got on her foot as well.  She turned around and announced, rather loudly, "Hey, that got all over my foot".

Now the milk had splashed several of us and since she was standing furthest from the splatting milk I'm assuming that she got splashed the least.  I looked at her feet and couldn't see any droplets of milk, hell, I couldn't even see any on my own feet, but did feel several little splashes when it happened.  But she was the most vocal about the accident and kept going on about how gross it was and how milk splashed all over her new sandals (finally figured out how to spell that word) and so on and so forth.  The cashier was embarrassed and let's face it, she didn't throw the milk, she knocked it off and that is why they call it an accident and not a purpose.  This woman kept making a big deal out of the whole thing and you could tell that several people standing in line behind me were getting uncomfortable with her complaining.  They were nerviously glancing around and shifting from foot to foot.  The woman's own daughter, about 14 yrs old, was trying to shush her, saying "Mom, it's ok, shhhhh not so loud".  The bitching woman still kept saying things and now looked at me while saying things looking for validation.  So I looked at the cashier and looked back at the bitching woman here is what I said:

Me:  *glancing at the cashier and glancing back* "I think she did it on purpose"

Bitch:  "What?"

Me:  "I'm not sure, but I saw her look at you, make a disgusting face, then she threw the milk our direction"

Me:  "Maybe she doesn't like your shoes.  I don't know why she wouldn't like your shoes, I think they are cute and was going to ask you where you got them from, but they don't look so pretty with milk splashed on them so nevermind."

Bitch was looking at me like I am crazy, the cashier was grinning because she could hear the sarcasm in my voice and the people standing behind me in line were giggling.  Mr. H couldn't get the items back in the cart fast enough to depart because he knew this wasn't the end.

Me:  "Maybe she knows you from somewhere or you remind her of her ugly step-mother or something."

Me:  "I would call management and make them buy you new shoes because it is obvious those are ruined"

Bitch:  "What?  Their not ruined, it hardly splashed me."

Me:  "Then why were you complaining so loudly?  I think everyone in a 10 mile radius heard you."

Mr. H:  "Come on boys, we are going out to the truck."

Me:  "No really, if you want to complain to management I will back you up and say that she threw the milk at you after giving you a dirty look."

Bitch:  "You're crazy, come on we're leaving." *this last part spoken to her daughter who was standing next to her and was trying to shush her mother earlier when she was complaining so loudly.

Me:  "Why thank you!" *waving hand* "Have a nice day!"

The people in line behind me were laughing and the cashier said "Thank you".  They might have been laughing at me, but what the hay - laughing releases good endorphins so I was someone's drug of choice yesterday.