This post is dedicated to KJ (no offense meant)

At  long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic...

1.  Bifocals Barbie. Comes  with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild  colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of  Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2.  Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's  bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of  perspiration appear on her forehead.   Comes with handheld fan and tiny  tissues.

3.  Facial Hair Barbie.  As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow.   Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying  mirror.

4.  Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these  new, roomier-sleeved gowns.  Good news on the tummy front, 2-moo moos  with tummy-support panels are included.

5.  Bunion Barbie. Years of  disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's  dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then  slip on soft terry mules.

6.  No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky  crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle,  from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

7.  Soccer  Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as  Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr.  Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut  holes and fruit punch.

8.  Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken.   Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo(her personal trainer) is just what the  doctor ordered, along with Prozac.  They're hopping in her new red Miata and  heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B.   (Includes a real tape of  "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

9.  Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes  with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

10.  Recovery Barbie. Too  many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she  does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps.  Clean and sober, she's going to  meetings religiously.  Come with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack  of Diet Coke. (Annie - this one is for you)

11.  Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when  she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex.  As a bonus this year, the book  "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.