Yesterday afternoon Magpie fell asleep on me. 

This is significant because I usually have to put her in her bed and leave the room for her to go to sleep.  We have tried several times to get her to sleep with us but she just thinks it is playtime and even with the lights out will waller around talking and giggling.  I’ve also tried just laying down on the floor next to her crib and that doesn’t work either – she will reach her little hands through the bars on her cage and want to play or she will cry and want me to pick her up.

I could always get the boys to go to sleep by either rocking them or lying down next to them but not Magpie – if you are in sight then it is playtime.  See – I really like to watch my kids sleep and there is nothing better than having a baby fall asleep on top of you.  To those of you who are parents then you know what I’m talking about to those of you who aren’t then there really is no way to describe the feeling. 

It is their fuzzy little head nuzzled under your chin and the sweet aroma of baby that wafts up to your nostrils.  The steady rise and fall of their little chests as they breathe in and out or the warmth they share with you laying against your skin.  The way you can feel their little hearts beating when you have your hand on their back.  Or just how peaceful it is to think they would feel so safe as to fall asleep in your arms – to trust that you will protect them and won’t drop them.

To be completely honest, I have been going back and forth on wanting another baby.  After I had Magpie I went through some pretty serious Post-partum depression – serious enough that at times I was afraid I would get angry enough to hurt her.  Mr. H is a great father and I had a lot of resources to fall back on when the frustration was mounting and that saved both of us.  Basically the first 7 months of her life was hell and being as selfish as I am I’m not always sure that I want to go back to ground zero and have another, totally dependent, human being brought into this world through my loins – being dependent on me to provide all of their needs when at times I’m not even capable of providing my own.

Magpie, falling asleep on my chest yesterday, reminded me of why I DO want more kids.

On another note - Mr. H will be going back to the Doctor.  He is feeling better but is still running a temp and still sleeping about 14 hours a day.  Looks like he has a date with the needle later – sure hope he doesn’t decide he likes her better and leaves me for her.  How ever would I explain that one to Magpie?