Ran to the store last week for some apples and when I went to checkout there were several people in each line so I just picked the closest one.  While standing there a young girl, maybe 12 or 13 carrying a 3 year old boy, walked up to the woman standing in front of me.  The woman grabbed the little boys face kissed him and said “Hey ugly”.  Then still addressing the little boy she said to him “Meanness, what have you been doing?”  I’m pretty sure that I had a look of disgust on my face because I HAVE A REAL PROBLEM WITH THIS.  See, kids hear everything that you say and what this little boy heard was that he was both ugly and mean.  Realizing that what I witnessed was only 5 or 10 minutes out of their lives but the woman said it natural enough for me to believe that it has been said thousands of times before and will probably be said a million more times before the man child reaches adulthood. 

Children have a way of living up to your expectations or down to them as well.  I don’t think that this woman actually thought her little boy was ugly or mean, but that is the message she is sending.  She probably tells him this all of the time and doesn’t think twice about the damage she is inflicting on his self-image.  I wonder what kind of adult this young man is going to make after hearing that he is ugly and mean his whole life.  Plastic surgery when he grows up or a life of crime because he is so mean?  Even if she doesn’t think he is either ugly or mean, imagine hearing that your whole life.  Now imagine what your thoughts about yourself would be if it was ingrained in the back of your mind that you were ugly and mean.  Talk about low self-esteem.

I’m very cautious about what words or phrases I uttered to my own children.  I might have messed up my boys other ways, but they always heard that they were handsome and smart.  Same thing with Mr. H., he might mess up and make me very mad by eating both pieces of fish and I might call him a butt-head but I also brag on him.  When he does something nice I always specifically thank him for it, even if it is as small as putting his underwear and socks away.  He might have eaten both pieces of fish, but I will brag to his friends about how he carried his plate to the sink and gave Magpie a bath.  (Can you tell I’m not over the fish incident yet?)

I wish more parents would be aware of the message they send their kids and censor what they mutter.  Mr. H and I both tell Magpie how cute she is and how smart she is and we encourage her when she tries something new.  I realize that I’m not a perfect parent and that I have and will continue to make mistakes but please be careful of the message you are sending your kids – they are listening.